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From the World November 21, 2018

Uncovering the Reptilian Overlords Running the Surf Industry

The truth is… we always felt like there was some people out there who were not from the same planet than us…

And if you had too… stay with us, as we’re about to shine a light and share great discoveries, revealing the darkest secrets overshadowing our society, and to an extent the surf industry we evolve in on a daily basis.

Let’s start from the basics: the world like you know it today is in fact ran by reptilian-humanoids. These individuals are extraterrestrials hailing from the star Alpha Draconis in the Draco constellation. They come from ancient times and have been living on earth, slowly infiltrating human society. On the contrary of humans who mostly act according to their emotions, Reptilians are very logical, calculated and hierarchical beings. Chances that you might have crossed paths with one of these beings are slim, as most of them evolve in high circles of society. The majority of Reptilians operate with little freedom and great structure and control are dictated to them by their masters at the top — understand higher bloodlines such as the Rothschilds, Rockefellers and other similar European royal and aristocratic families as well as the establishment families of the Eastern United States. The Queen of England is also a top ranked reptilian. It has actually been proven that all members of the royal family are actually nothing but lizards with crowns! And so are old mate Trump, the Bush family, John Kerry, Rihanna, Katy Perry… you name it. And even if it’s most likely that you have never seen them in real life, you would have been completely fooled by their camouflage capabilities if you did.

See, Reptilian have total control over THE MATRIX, and can modify the perception of any other being. We, as humans are decoding waveforms sent by other humans and our environment, and the way we receive this information makes up for what our brain end up decoding, and what we end up seeing. But lizards can shift this hybrid field, enabling them to hide their vicious appearance (as most of them are around 7 foot high!) behind a normal humain form. Easy.

And that’s where things get quite interesting.

After having spent long times developing and using some specially built gear, including some reptilian detection glasses (which are now exclusively available via our web-store), we been able to observe and capture some of these rare shape-shifting phenomenons. Here is for example Kolohe Andino experiencing some hologram malfunction! The WSL — head of surfing lizardry — have of course tried to distract audiences in order to cover the matter (remember one of their executives screwing her fins the wrong way around?) but we managed to go great distance and get the untouched original footage constituting REAL evidence that reptiles have infiltrated the surfing industry. Other of these examples WILL surface in the next few months as we deepen our research.

Rumors have been circulating that Kolohe might have oficialy splitting from long-time sponsor Target to tame public rumors about his link with the stock market, reptilian owned company, but be assured that he isn’t the only surfer on the world tour reporting the the mother-head… the highest placed draco-officer might has in fact been hanging out in front of our eyes, haunting our dear magazine pages and more recently your computerized devices for more than 25 years now.

We’re talking about no one else than the one and only Jimmy Slade — Kelly Robert Slater.

Pretty much all surf media has been noticing his highly anormal capabilities on a surfboard since decades: wether it is his incredible layback recoveries against Bruce Irons in 2005, his countless barrel rides behind foam-balls or baffling aerial wizardries, he is somehow still ruling over the young-uns when approaching 45 years of age, which often is described as “other-worldly” by surf medias, and for good reason…

Slater has recently been struggling to hide the doubts on his activities with the grand masters at the top, covering his involvement with reptilian investors with his brand “Outerknown” and diverting the masses from his underground Texas Reptilian Base with a “revolutionary Surf Ranch”, and even hosting a contest there, and doing a great job at distracting media from his nasty research activities happening a few feet below the peeling right-hander…

“The final exposé” by our reptilian specialist Tito Lavole.

“The final exposé” by our reptilian specialist Tito Lavole.

Bellow is also another example of non humain behaviors from the SL8. Take a moment to examine this frame-grab and observe the lizard-like, anormal contorsion of the king’s body on that backside air. Truly something otherworldly…

Now… how does this relate to our day in time?

Well simple. The flesh-eating, shape-shifting extraterrestrial reptilian humanoids at the top of it all have only one goal in mind: enslave the human race. And what a better occasion to do so than “Black Friday week” — an event massively disguised as an opportunity for modest households to afford what they usually can’t!

Whether it is encouraging us to fight over a 24-pack of toilet roll at our local Walmart, stealing that random guy’s “the search” discount card he’s left on the bonnet of his car or bite our best friend in the arm in order to reach that last 32-sized High-Line trunk from your local Boardrider store, the end goal is the same — create anger materializing itself in consumerism and eventually increasing reptilian profits!

Needless to say that there is not much left for us other than celebrating the ground breaking discovery and encouraging non-reptilian owned surf businesses. To this effect, we decided to implement what we’re calling REPTILIAN WEEK: head over to to celebrate the ground-breaking discoveries and enjoy 30% off store-wide, from now and until the 26/11 at midnight EST.

It is of course needless to say that we can’t give enough props to our valued draco-specialists who have been working days and nights to uncover these great zones of shadow — above all to our original in-house draco-scientist Tito Lavole and head of lizard research: lord David Icke…

Stay away from the shape-shifters and take care in this wild wild world…

©Wasted Talent Magazine
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